This isn't what it looks like.
…Still not responding
I got a message from a guy I knew in high school. He consistently wore True Religion jeans and a shirt whose company sponsored UFC and anything else that could be described using “jacked-up.” We were in the same social circles, but never really friends. He wants to hang out sometime. I still haven’t responded. It’s not that he was this terrible person or that I’ve become “enlightened” since high school, I just can’t bring myself to say anything. I don’t care. Not that I don’t care whether or not he’s doing well, I just not that concerned that our lives cross again. Maybe I’ve found a inner peace that allows one to not worry about others. I just might be a genius that isn’t concerned with the petty dealing among mortals. Or possibly, there’s been a large amount of anti-depressants dumped into the water supply, causing rats to morph into mutants who are super chill and can’t achieve an erection.
Option 1, possibly 3, could be real, but I’m lying to myself. The truth is simple:
I’m afraid of people.
I’m afraid of what humans can do to each other, especially the all-important me. There isn’t a worst case scenario that I always think about, it’s just pure fear. New or distant people represent unknown ways that a person might hurt me. So I use a classical defense mechanism, the shutdown. Fight and flight are overrated, the cool people just curl up into a emotional ball and wait for danger to leave. I do it without even realizing. Words leave brain, brain refuses to send anything to my fingers, leaving me to type “haha what’s up” over and over again until the person just stops responding, secure in their knowledge on who was the weird one. And the beautiful thing is, I’m good at it. I haven’t been hurt in a long time. If life is just avoiding pain until you die, then (not to brag) I’m pretty amazing at living.
I won’t respond to the man now known as Garry, with two ‘r’s. I kinda don’t want to, But I need to try and loosen up. Maybe by taking more risks, like eating dairy and dancing like nobody’s watching, even though some, but not all, people are actually watching.
Also watch The Pete Holmes Show starting Oct 22nd, weekdays after Conan on TBS. Very Funny.